Craziness Appreciation Society

The Twelve Steps of CAS

2010-02-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

1. We admitted that we were indeed crazy - that's the reason for the weird stares.

2. Came to believe that we were made this way and must embrace it.

3. Made a decision to make the best of it and turn our will and lives over to the crazy side.

4. Made a list of our best crazy stunts.

5. Admitted to ourselves and to everyone within earshot that we are damn proud of being this way.

6. Were entirely ready to perfect our crazy doings.

7. Humbly giggled in the face of the sane.

8. Made a list of all sane persons and became willing to drag them to the crazy side.

9. Made direct attempts at banishing other's sanity unless doing so would cause ourselves harm.

10. Continued to succumb to the crazy impulses and documented such actions.

11. Sought through friendships with others who share the same love for all things crazy, ways to improve our own craziness.

12. Having had this acceptance of crazy, tried to implement into every walk of life and continued to lure others to join us.

Crazy word verification meanings.

2010-01-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

My dedication to being a crazy is so extreme that I kept some of my word verification words and came up with meanings for them. This is also called procrastination. You should try it some time.

Coldrup—Cough medicine for when your Cold R Up.

Whise—Gangsta street slang, meaning “wise” or “really wise”.

Potionshfu—An ancient form of martial arts that involves high kicks and complicated potion-making.

Deming—A demon lemming. Not only do they fall into chasms but they will also possess the body of the normal lemmings.

Farethiz—Gangsta slang from the streets of Canberra, Australia. Roughly translated, it means “For reals?”

Noequine—An anti-horse support group.

Wooffis—The technical term for a dumb dog.

Dedug—The technical term for a dead bug.

Wookose—The technical term for a Wookie in a comatose state.

Forwomeo—An Italian fragrance for women.

Nonoil—A new oil alternative made from almonds, melted plastic and pineapple juice

Gonging—Is when you laugh and snort at the same time.

Flaile—when you can’t remember why you went into a specific room and you throw your hands in the air in frustration at your ailing mind.

Krumpl—A new dance craze that’s taking the world by storm. Yeah, do the Krumpl!

Whoriacs—An old, crippled whore.

Christmas Shopping Crazy

2009-12-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

Decorating
-Go to a store to buy a nativity scene for your lawn. Refuse to buy the baby Jesus, insisting your newborn child will work just fine.
-Try to buy a single Christmas light. Tell the store clerk you don't need a whole string, just a single light bulb, because we all know when one goes out, they all go out.
-When purchasing a Christmas tree (real or artificial), explain that you put yours up against a wall and you wish to only buy half to save some money. If they refuse, rant about the economy.

- Ask questions about the quality of the prizes inside the bon-bons. Then ask if you can pull one to check for yourself. If they refuse, open a pack anyway and offer the other end to random shoppers.

Shopping for others
-Buy something with a lot of pieces to assemble. Wrap the pieces separately and make them work for it!
-Buy your friends/family members really small, crap presents. Put them in large boxes (like microwave sized). Fill them with scrunched newspaper and a couple of bricks. Drop hints about the awesomeness of your present and then watch their disappointment when they open it and realise that it's a souvenir spoon from a random small town.

-Buy gift-cards for others. Ask the sales associate to only put credit for $2 on the card.

Miscellaneous

-Go to the mall and sit on Santa's lap. This is even crazier if you don't have children.

-If they won't let you sit on Santa's lap throw a tantrum that would make a two-year old proud.

-When out shopping, sing along to the Christmas carols. Loudly. In a visible place with your eyes closed. Swaying with arms in the air is optional.

-Go shopping in full elf-wear. Go through the toy aisles complaining of the quality of the items to other shoppers. Insist that you and your elf buddies do a much better job.

-While still in full elf costume, run through the stores searching for Rudolph. Loudly. Tears and obscene phrases are optional.

-Walk around in a Mrs. Claus outfit, muttering loudly about not understanding why Santa would run off with that Victoria Secret model who copied your outfit.

We hope you have a Crazy Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Crazy distractions.

2009-11-25T00:40:00.000-08:00

It's hard being crazy--I should know. To help distract yourself from being a crazy, here are some home remedies that always help me forget the sad state of my mental health. They work, really...they do...

- Have 7 short black coffees in one sitting (rack ‘em up like tequilla shots). Then completely cover yourself in tightly bound plastic wrap and lay in an empty bath tub for precisely 18 minutes. Ahh, refreshing.

- Call every second person in your contacts. If they answer pretend to be a random salesperson selling inflatable dolphins. If you get voicemail, leave long-winded sales pitch trying to sell inflatable dolphin.

- Go to your local bus interchange/train station after dark (only if unlikely to be stabbed) and sit for approximately 11 minutes. Feel sane yet?

- Drive to a busy footpath and park your car. Turn off the engine. Proceed to make car/plane/train driving sound effects, including machine gun noises, complete with hand gestures.

- Go to your local shopping centre and pick out the sanest looking person and strike up a conversation with them about the state of the market today. Then change the topic to imminent end of the world.

Now find the craziest looking person (except for yourself) and strike up a conversation about the state of the market today and then the imminent end of the world. Decide which person is actually the most sanest. Surprising, right?

- Cut a green apple (IT HAS TO BE GREEN!) into six and three-quarter pieces. Roll the pieces in brown sugar and sultanas. Bake in the oven for 15 minutes. Then place them immediately in front of a fan or ventilation system. Mmmm. Your house smells good doesn’t it?

- Dress yourself in your most official looking clothes (for me it’s my bike helmet and a white lab coat) and locate (or make---FUN!) something that resembles a speed gun. Proceed to busy footpath. Once there check the speed of pedestrians that pass you and pull over those who are exceeding speed limit (which you can set). Don’t forget to ask dog-walkers if they have a licence for that animal.

- Screen-print a T-Shirt that says “Rollerblades are the new Twilight” on the front and “They suck!” on the back (please note: Jade is fan of Twilight but thought said T-shirt was witty and went with it). Then go roller-blading along busy footpath and/or in shopping centre.

- Go to screening of New Moon (after school so there are lots of fan girls present). Every time Edward comes on, make vomiting noises and yell out things such as: “vampires suck--literally”, “R-Pattz is fugly”, “Die, Edward, die”.

- Leave cinema early to start the book burning ceremony. When the fan girls exit, start muttering, “die my pretties” as you rip pages from the Twilight books and throw them into the awaiting flames.

- Locate sufficently high building with elevator. Get in the elevator. When someone else hops in, say in a creepy stage whisper, "What I've got's contagious." Pause for exaggerated sniff, then say, "and what I've got is the crazies."

First Members

2009-11-22T06:08:00.000-08:00

Hello, fellow Crazies! Kari and Jade here!
We just want to take a moment out of your crazy day to introduce our first 3 official members!
Everyone, this is Sara, Hayley, and Wendy:

Sara Raasch

http://seesarawrite.blogspot.com/

A student who works as a retail salesperson who is really a puppy-tamer, she relishes in un-slobbered-on laptops on which she writes the Next Great American Novel. Or maybe she just writes about pirates a lot. The lines blur.

Hayley Morgan
http://hayleys-hollow.blogspot.com/

A young writer who likes to chat with her characters and can't get the words on paper fast enough. She's not much of a risk-taker jump off of a cliff crazy, her crazies manifest more in her mind, in a silent, rip your hair out kind of way.

Wendy Sparrow
ladybugsroar.blogspot.com/

An official Crazy with a medical diagnosis and everything. She thinks she doesn't fit the bill because crazy people are supposed to know they are crazy. She likes jokes: There were two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin looked at the other and said, “Wow! It’s hot in here!” The other muffin said, “Holy Crap! It’s a talking muffin.” Another joke: What’s brown and long and sticky? A stick.

Sara, Hayley, and Wendy, this is everyone!

These 3 special people now are official CAS members! Links to their blogs are and will be forever in the right sidebar!

If you want to become an official member, read the directions in the left sidebar! It's easy and free (because you can't put a price on Crazy)!

Crazy on an Elevator

2009-11-17T21:25:00.000-08:00

I've always enjoyed a good practical joke or prank. What Crazy hasn't?

Try a few of these next time the opportunity presents itself!

1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.

3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".

6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

7) Sell Girl Scout cookies.

8) On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

9) Shave.

10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off

13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

16) One word: Flatulence!

17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

18) Do Tai Chi exercises.

19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

21) Give religious tracts to each passenger.

22) Meow occasionally.

23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

28) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

31) Leave a box between the doors.

32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

34) Start a sing-along.

35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

36) Play the harmonica.

37) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

38) Lean against the button panel.

39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

42) Bring a chair along.

43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

44) Blow spit bubbles.

45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

48) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"

52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"

53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes

53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.

54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"

55) Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea

56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you

57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax

58) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"

59) Have sex with your imaginary friend

60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you

61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"

62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia

63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"

64) Perform a striptease

65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"

66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever

67) Let your mobile phone ring - don't anwser it.

68) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"

69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.

70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"

71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor

72)Paint the walls of the lift.

73) On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my fwiend?". Burst into tears if they say no.

74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"

75) Get back to nature - go in naked

76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"

77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor"

78) Serve tea and coffee

79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont

80) Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.

81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too

82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right

83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

84) Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50

85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"

86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency

87) Yodel

88) Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"

89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.

90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.

91) Try breakdancing

92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"

93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".

94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.

95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"

96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."

97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"

98) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

101) Explain to the passengers that this lift looks the same as the ones on all the other floors.

102) Re-enact scenes from a movie where someone climbs out through the roof.

103) Tell people their clothes are stuck in the lift door, when the look round and see it isn't, apologise, then 5 seconds later say it again in exactly the same tone of voice.

104) Strip naked and ask if 'your' (not my) bum looks big in this dress.

105) Release cockroaches and rats or doves.

106) Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

107) Point a fire extinguisher at the door as it opens and a passenger tries to enter, ready, aim, and bend the nozzle round and cover yourself with foam.

108) Blast out some heavy metal music (Rammstein or Disturbed oughtta do the trick) sing along, while headbanging.

109) Dress up as a bellboy and ask them what floor they want and press the wrong one. When they try to correct you, spit,"are you trying to say i cant do my job?!'

110) Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

These can be found all over the internet and I'm sure their are more out their than this!

Which one is your favorite? Have you attempted and succeeded at any?

Just a quick hello from a fellow Crazy

2009-11-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

Kari here! Staying crazy as always!

I'm really super excited that CAS has caught the eye of some! I can see this blog really taking off and being a lot of fun! We hope it becomes extremely silly and interactive!

If you haven't already, don't forget to become an official member! (See left side for details)
We being posting the members and their bios. soon! (List of members is on the right)
And tell all your friends and followers about CAS! The more Crazies you put in close proximity of each other, the more fun you have!

We will probably be having another meeting soon, so stay tuned!
Also, we were thinking of starting some crazy interviews soon! Email one of use if you are interested!
It will be something like this!

That's all I've got for now!

Stay Crazy!

The crazy survival kit.

2009-11-13T14:52:00.000-08:00

I've put together a basic guide that a crazy should carry with them at all times. If I've forgotten anything, please let me know.

- Band-aids for any injuries you occur during a crazy fit.

- 1.5 kg bag of jelly-beans for your post-crazy fit sugar low. Also good to throw at friends/work colleagues/random strangers when you feel an attack of normalcy approaching.

- Bottled water. Crazies fear dehydration above all else.

- A pocket sized dictionary so you can look up a word you don’t understand when talking with friends/work colleagues/random strangers. This saves you the embarrassment of having to ask for the definition.

- A thesaurus, so you can interrupt conversations between random strangers on the bus/train/plane and suggest alternative words they could use.

- Sachets of sugar because you never know when a sugar shortage will hit.

- String. It always comes in handy.

- Glitter so you can spruce up all aspects of your life.

- A monocle so you can look esteemed whilst you suffer from a crazy-fit.

- A cape. Duh, that one’s pretty obvious.

- Embroidered handkerchiefs to give you a touch of elegance.

- Tape recorder so that you can always catch those moments of brilliance: “Then the ice-cream ninja jumps out in an explosion of glitter. Dan, the Brick-Man screams and smacks the ninja with a brick.”
It’s best to record these conversations on a crowded bus/train/plane.

- War paint because you never know when you need to wage war on unsuspecting random strangers/friends/work colleagues.

- An mp3 player so that you can play your own personal theme song whilst you walk down to the shops. Since you’re the only one that can hear it, it’s best to sing along loudly so that passer-bys understand what you’re doing.

- A toy mobile (cell) phone, preferably pink and plastic with flashing lights so you can have pretend phone calls with your pretend literary agent/friends/work colleagues on a crowded bus/plane/train.

- An egg. Don’t forget to nurse it in your hands whilst on a crowded bus/plane/train. Feel free to have a conversation with it as well. My egg is called Veronica Hayden Kerr. She likes sunsets, warm slacks and bacon.

First Official Meeting

2009-11-11T15:17:00.000-08:00

Kari and Jade, dressed in their finest, stand at the front of a completely empty room. Kari checks her watch as Jade glances nervously at the door.

Kari: Should we start?
Jade: We do make the rules!
Kari: Ok, then. Shall I go first?
Jade motions toward the podium.
Jade: Be my guest.
Kari: Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly welcome you to the first...
Jade: ...and probably last.
Kari: ...FIRST ever meeting of the Craziness Appreciation Society.
Jade: Gavel! Bang the gavel!
Kari: Oh yeh!

BANG! BANG! BANG!
Crickets

Jade: I was at least hoping for a cough or sneeze.
Kari: Achoo!
Jade: Thanks.
Kari: It's my job.
Jade: First order of business, the rules. Every super-cool club needs rules. Or is it guidelines?
Kari: Protocols?
Jade: Ooh! Claps hands in excitement We should have a pledge!
Kari: Let's tell our awesome guests the Craziness Guidelines first!
Jade: Oh yes! Redirects to audience. We have composed a list of symptoms of the crazies. If you or someone you love demonstrates even one of these symptoms, you are crazy!

Crickets get louder.

Kari: Where's the paper?
Jade: Paper?
Kari: With the symptoms?
Jade: I think my puppies ate it. Sorry.
Kari: No worries! We're crazy so we should remember them.

The Symptoms:

- You have conversations in your head with other people, be it Oprah, your agent (he doesn’t know it yet) or explaining the health benefits of caffeine addiction to your husband. It’s even better when you make all the appropriate facial expressions and hand-gestures, especially when other people are present.

- You Google ‘crazy bitch’ in the desperate hope that a link to you blog will appear. You cry for three hours when it doesn’t.

- Random people regularly enquire if you’ve forgotten to take your meds today. Or if you’ve been smoking crack.

- Your brain is unable to keep up with your hands and mouth and you start combining two words together. Dangerous girl becomes dirl. Crazy bitch becomes critch. Possessed hand becomes posand.

- Whilst riding the crowded bus/airplane/train you recall a particularly witty element of last night’s blog post and you start laughing. Loudly. People edge away.
-During spats with your significant other, you forget that "You're crazy!" is not a compliment or term of endearment.
-You've ever attempted to write or actually written a novel.
- Multiple unsuccessful Google-ing attempts at finding a proper diagnosis.

Jade: We'll probably be adding more soon!
Kari: Most definitely!
Jade: What now?
Kari: What about memberships?
Jade: Oh, of course! How could I forget?
Kari: Membership is open to all CAS blog followers.

Memberships
1. Become a follower of CAS
2. Send one of us an email with your name, the link to your blog/website, and a short story about yourself indicating that you are, in fact, a crazy.
3. Put the CAS button on your blog/website
4. We will then introduce you properly to the society and add your name and link to the members list!

Kari: I'm so jealous. I wish I could be a member.
Jade: You are a creator. Remember?
Kari: Oh. Right.
Jade: Is that enough for this meeting then?
Kari: Probably. That guy in the front row is sleeping.
Jade: I don't see him breathing.
Kari: I hope he's sleeping. We better leave before someone notices.
Jade: Ladies and Gentlemen, we now bring the first ever meeting of the Craziness Appreciation Society to a close! Thank you all for joining us! Keep checking back for updates!
Turns to Kari
Can I do the gavel this time?
Kari: Oh, ok. If you must.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Stay Crazy!